In today’s world, we often jump into unpredictable situations. We say this, we say that. We promise that we’ll love them forever. We swear we’ll always be there. We promise it will all work out. But does it? Most of the time, I feel as if we make empty promises. We make them because we’re caught up in that one moment. We make them because that’s what we WANT to believe. But think about the first person you ever loved. Did it work out? So few people can honestly say that their first love is still their only love…five years, ten years, twenty years down the road. Do we ever forget our first love? Probably not. Do we ever move on? Sure.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about love and the way I feel about it. My first love was the worst and best thing to ever happen to me. There were so many good memories yet so many mistakes that I made. I guess you could say I was blinded by love because I often felt trapped in a different world, a world that other people didn’t see. It’s sad to say, but I do regret many of the things in my first real relationship (although I don’t regret ending it). And even though I’ve moved on, I can’t help but think about it every now and then and compare it to the relationship I’m currently in.

I guess you could say that I’m needy. I love being loved and loving someone in return. I love always having someone to talk to or hold. And when I don’t have that person with me, I feel insecure, doubtful, lonely. I always want to let go, to let everything go. If I don’t see that person or talk to them every day, I seem to lose sight of what they look like or what it was like to be with them. If they don’t constantly talk to me or show me that they’re still there and that they love me, I feel like the connection we have slowly dies. 

I guess you could say that I’m a hopeless romantic. I want someone to sing me a song, to write me a love letter every month on our anniversary, to fly across the Pacific and surprise me at my door. I want someone to fill my phone with text messages saying how much they love me, to choose to stay in and talk to me when their friends go out, to make me laugh whenever i’m feeling down or depressed. 

But maybe I ask too much? If there is any girl out there who has experienced that ‘butterflies in her stomach’ type of love and is STILL experiencing it, hold onto it. don’t let go. because there are a lot of girls who would kill to be in your shoes.